The Cullen Name Change
by Kirbiness
Summary: What would happen if the Cullen's had to change their names for legal purposes? Who choose them? Emmett of course! Read and PM me with suggestions for their new names!


**A/N: **This is (probably) just a one-shot that I thought would be hilarious to post. This came me at the dinner table one night, when I was thinking of one of my friends who had named a cat Schschschschschschhhh. They named the cat that because that is what the cat responded to 0-o, You know that the vet loves them! Well anyway I was thinking of how pretty Edward's name sounded and how it sounded so classic and made them seem so, upper class. What would happen if they had to change their name for legal purposes? Who would they have rename them? Emmett of course! Well I have enjoyed writing this, and I hope you enjoy it too! This is my first story that switches view points. And if you don't notice, I sorta didn't proofread this, but please NO FLAMES, It's kind of late.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Twilight series. I have wished on multiple falling stars and even my past birthday cake, but it still don't come true. I do like messing around with them though, but hey who doesn't? NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGMENT INTENDED.

The Name Change Carlisle POV

I do not know why I was doing this… Was I going insane to do this? Yes, I think I might be heading down that path, but that is not the point… The point is what good can come out of Emmett doing this? Why didn't I let someone sensible like Edward or Jasper do the task? Why didn't I let someone in their right mind do it?

He would definitely mess up this one, I was sure of it. I knew that deep down in my heart. Not only would I be mad, but also the whole family would. Who knows this might even break us up. The family that had taken three hundred years to build split all over the globe.

Really, why must I do this? Yes, I had let Jasper and Edward help me with the last two projects, but for a good reason obviously. They would never mess something up so severely like Emmett would. Why did I make that stupid promise that he could help me with whatever legal matter that came next?

We probably should have been more careful to as a family to make sure that we had erased all record of us living in Forks before, but why now should the Black family take this up with the police? Stupid werewolves. I like my name and I have liked it all three hundred years of my existence. It's a pity that it had to be changed now, and changed by Emmett too.

This is all probably punishment for me not including Emmett in my day to day activities. While Edward and Jasper were bright and serious just like me, Emmett had always been the one for practical jokes, competitive and nothing at all like me. Maybe, just maybe if I had spent more time with him a little of myself would have rubbed off on him and he would have been at least serious. Only God knows how long it would take for the intelligence part to rub off.

But to say the least, I knew I loved him. He was a wonderful son, very entertaining. He had a spirit like no one else that has walked this earth. He was like a little bit of all of us Cullens combined.

I decided I needed to compose myself before he came in the office I needed to remove all traces of me doubting him. He would do a good job; he would keep us proud. He wouldn't do anything to embarrass the family name because if he did, he would only humiliate himself too.

I heard a knock on the door, and I started to shuffle around with the papers on the desk to make it seem like I had been working, not regretting anything. Emmett could be very gullible.

"Yes, Emmett, come in I have been waiting for you…"

The door slid open slowly and creaked a little like it did in a horror movie when something horrible was behind it. I would have to tell Esme about that, she hated it when her doors creaked, but some WD-40 should take care of it.

The door was almost all the way open when I saw him. He had a wide goofy grin on his face as he entered. You could tell he was overjoyed at the fact that he would get to do something for the family. Oh why did I let him do this? Wait, stop regretting he was your son and he would not disappoint you… You hope.

Emmett POV 

"Yes Father, you rang?" I purred in a suspenseful tone, behind your signature grin. This grin always brought out the worst in my family, and I just loved seeing their faces.

To say the least Carlisle looked freaked out. He was regretting something and I knew it. He had called to me just now. He had a job for you to do, and boy was I looking forward to this. Edward and Jasper always got to help him out, but I never got to join the group. They always said that they didn't need anymore help, but I knew the truth.

They thought I was stupid, they even multiple times had said something about me not being able to pass the 5th grade. They always picked on poor, innocent Emmett who had never done anything to hurt anyone. Even Rosalie took advantage of me sometimes. I'm a vampire how stupid could I be?

I would show them though. I would do this exactly right and for once they wouldn't yell at me for doing something stupid, because I would NOT mess this up. I had been thinking so hard, that I must have left my mouth open after I stopped grinning, because Carlisle noticed.

"Emmett are you okay?"

"Yeah, what do you need? Rosalie and I were kind of busy when you interrupted us so if you could hurry that would be greatly appreciated…." Carlisle's eyes snapped out of that worried or suspicious trance he was in right then and his tone turned more serious, like he was at work or something. He was always so serious, couldn't he lighten up for once?

His eyes flickered back and forth between his hands and me. They were together and the tendons were flexed as if he was nervous about something. What was wrong with him? I finally decided that he needed a little prodding from me. Rosalie was going to kill me for leaving her alone this long.

"Carlisle spit it out, it will feel much better if you do. I promise. Just get what ever it is you need done off your chest. I will take care of all of it for you." After staring at his hands for a while he finally looked up. His face had determination on it and he looked as if he was relieved of some heavy burden.

"You know what Emmett you are right? I'm just gonna tell it how it is and let the pieces fall where they might…"

"Good, Carl! That's the spirit!" He scowled. He hated it when I called him Carl. It was so much simpler though to call him that, I often pronounced his name wrong. After the scowl faded he continued still speaking as though he was irritated.

"Well to make the long story short the werewolves reported to the police that there have been some odd coincidences with people living here before with the same exact names as us. The humans are getting suspicious and well the only solution is a name change…" He said these world so fast that I'm sure if Bella were listen she would have caught it. Carlisle diddled with a paperclip on his desk, his eyes boring into mine, hopeful. I caught what he was trying to say to me as I started jumping up and down in the air, excited.

He was asking me to come up for names for all of the family! I was just about to say something when Carlisle interrupted me, standing up as he said it.

"Only last names Emmett, let's not get to carried away. Most of us have had our last names for centuries, and have grown rather attached" He straightened up as he pulled his doctor's jacket off the back of his chair. He must be getting ready to go to work.

Just then, what Carlisle just said sunk in. I stopped jumping up and down in the air, and my gleeful expression turned grim. I only got to work with two names.

"Dang Carlisle! I really could do the first and middle names too you know?" I smiled. I would have more of a chance of making them proud of me that way. Carlisle's face turned to pure horror. His eyes widened, and his pupils dilated. He looked scarred.

"NO, no Emmett, that would be to much work. Just come to me with your ideas and I will do all the work. I don't want to over work you…" He laughed weakly. So that's what he was worried about. That wasn't much work at all, I could do this stuff in a second. Thanks to all my super computer knowledge.

I decided I wouldn't worry him though. I wanted to make things easier for my creator; I would do all the work!

I walked out of the room with a smile still on my face. Carlisle looked terrified to see me smiling, and as I walked out of his office and closed the door behind me, he shouted, "Don't over work yourself Emmett!"

Ha. I was going to work so hard to make sure I got everything exactly right. Even though my brain was probably going to hurt for ages afterward I was going to think EVERYTHING through. The new names were going to be perfect.

I walked up to the Library on the third floor. There were a couple of computers up there and a lot of researching books with big words. This was going to be the place that I locked myself up until I finished my task. Completely. This was hard considering I had some ADD.

I would spend days here, knowing my family would be so happy with the names that I would pick out for them. It was sad, but I had completely forgotten about Rosalie and what we were doing before hand. I had sort of abandoned her, but oh well…

Rosalie POV 

I sat there on the bed waiting for Emmett to get back. We had been doing something involving a lot of whipped cream and cherries when we had been so rudely interrupted. He said he would come back, but would it really take him fifteen minutes to talk to Carlisle?

I sat up from the bed and crossed the room to the southern window, the glass wall. I looked out to the right to look at the garage windows. Carlisle's car was gone, more than likely gone to his shift at the hospital, but where was Emmy?

I called for a few minutes in a normal human inside tone before I gave up. What was taking him so long? You cannot leave your wife like that! This upset me greatly. Had I done something wrong?

I started calling for him again, getting rather desperate this time, actually yelling. I knew that if he was in the house or even miles away he would hear me yelling his name, but still no response.

I crossed back over to the bed and lay down. I had not been satisfied again. Stupid husband. This is how he treats me after everything I have done for him? I started screaming incoherently as I grabbed some clothes and headed for our bathroom.

Edward POV 

I was just polishing my Aston Martin when I had heard her scream. I knew it was Rosalie immediately, and it wasn't the first time I had heard this scream either. I had heard it many times when Emmett had done something wrong.

I was rather confused at this situation. Just a few minutes ago I had to block both of them from my mind because of what they were doing. I didn't like seeing my brother and sister go at each other like they were doing, not to mention here what they where thinking while they were doing it. Why could she possibly be upset? What had Emmett done to her?

I tried remembering anything major that had happened earlier. I remember them getting the whipped cream yes, but after that it was just way too much for me. My mind drifted for a while trying to remember anything that might clue me in on the situation. I had seen Carlisle earlier on his way to work, did he have anything to do with the situation?

I remember his thoughts well; they were full of regret. Regret of what though? What could he possibly want to redo?

**A/N: **Ok, I know that was probably a lame start to a humor story, and it grew way to long to be a one-shot, so I have decided to update it into a two shot. NOW! The exciting part of it all is that I need suggestions for the names. Everyone needs a new one; a new name to replace the first middle and last. Please remember that is this is Emmett and he is more than likely going to OVER think this! Please private message me what you think they should be… I want the ones I choose to be a surprise, so PLEASE don't put them in the reviews. Plus the names will be the whole laugh of the story, so why ruin it? I will finish this story tomorrow and more than likely post it around the same time too, so sorry you are on a time limit also. - Thankies for all the reviews guys and the fans! I lovies you!


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